Movie Monday Double Feature - Terminator: Genisys and Ted 2

When you think about Terminator what’s the first thing to pop into your head? Is it the hard-hitting theme song? Is it the revolutionary special effects and prosthetics? Or is it Arnold and his legendary one-liners coupled with that accent that’s so often mimicked but rarely reproduced? Terminator: Genisys has at least a few of these things, but, as with Jurassic World, the new interpretation of a classic piece of American cinema falls short of its predecessors in ways that are unforgivable yet still entertaining.

Paramount Studios

The first two movies of this franchise still withstand the test of time (if you’re willing to forgive the lack of high definition) while Genisys is a flailing excuse to reboot. For better or worse, it ignores nearly every aspect of Rise of the Machines and Salvation, despite some potential to tie in Sam Worthington’s character from the latter. The schism that separates “T5” from T3 and, more importantly, T4 is confusing and arguably unnecessary save for the fact that they decided to switch actors from Christian Bale to Jason Clarke for the role of John Connor. Rather than building on what was already established they unabashedly sidestep it without even using the primary plot point of alternate timelines as an excuse. It is because of this that I refuse to seriously refer to this film as T5 rather than an alternate version of what Rise of the Machines could have been.

There is a LOT of exposition to slog through in Genysis, and while a good portion of it is relevant to the new plot the rest of it feels like it’s trying to brief anyone who hasn’t seen Terminator or Judgement Day. There are some really good, endearing parts where Sarah Connor and “Guardian” (Schwarzenegger) carry on a new and fresh relationship that is reminiscent of his relationship with child John Connor in Judgement Day. Kyle Reese, played by Jai Courtney (known for his roles in the Insurgent films and A Good Day to Die Hard), is the final piece of the puzzle that fits into the established lore fairly well and he plays a large role that leaves experienced audience members giggling with prior knowledge of who he is and where he stands in the big picture. The struggles that he faces with Sarah, played by Emilia Clarke of Game of Thrones fame, are pretty well-written in the context of the convoluted and often mind numbing alternate timeline plot.

Paramount Studios

This plot is a mishmash of new ideas crossed with old lore to form one picture with some pretty blurred lines that leave you wondering. It almost feels like fanfiction at some points and honestly would be were it not for the presence of Schwarzenegger himself to keep things tied to the original franchise. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing as there are some unique and cool things that they do with the new aspects of the world and, more importantly, with the villain. The new visuals that they bring to the table make for some memorable shots and combine with the old T-1000 nostalgia to make it feel like a real Terminator movie. The music prepared by Hans Zimmer pays a good homage to the original score while keeping things fresh and fits the movie well.

Unfortunately there were a few cringes where my suspension of disbelief was totally shattered. The acting was passable but nothing to write home about. Arnold maintains the robotic personality really well; I’m glad that they kept that rather than actually asking him to act for once. Emilia Clarke’s prowess balances out Jai Courtney’s lackluster moments, and Jason Clarke (no relation to Emilia, I checked) was only slightly memorable and probably could have been replaced with nearly any aged 40 something actor. JK Simmons makes a surprise appearance that brought some depth to the supporting cast, and a certain Doctor pops up as well to make you chuckle about a different kind of time traveler getting involved in this mess.

Paramount Studios

One final problem that I had with Genisys was the lack of continuity in terms of what year things take place. Terminator took place in 1984, Judgement Day in 1991, Rise of the Machines in 2003. Each of these films took place in the year of their theatrical release. Salvation (2009) broke this trend bringing us to 2018 for a glimpse of the “Robopocalypse” and the resistance that John Connor was leading with the rest of humanity. It made sense to bring us there, but Genisys jumps from “the future” (no date is mentioned from what I can remember) back to 1984, then forward to 2017 for what seems to be no reason at all. They could have easily just picked 2015 to fit the pre-existing trend but for some reason they needed the extra two years to make the not-too-distant future seem just futuristic enough to make us believe that the direction the plot is moving will be possible with the given technology that we have in our own timeline. At least, that’s my guess.

Paramount Studios

Overall, Terminator: Genisys is a decent action film with well shot scenes that keep you entertained and bring enough nostalgia and lore to the table to make franchise fans happy, but it is very far from perfect. This will no doubt be added to the pile of films that fans will either like or dislike along with Rise of the Machines and Salvation. I’m not sure that it was good enough to warrant another film with the same cast and same continuity (they left us with the possibility albeit a weak one) and I doubt that I’ll be rushing out to pick it up on Blu-Ray, but if it’s ever on Netflix I’ll throw it on to have something playing in the background while I do something else. I Give it a mediocre 3 out of 5.

Universal Studios

Hilarious, Formulaic, Relevant.

If someone asked me to sum up Ted 2 in three words, those would be the ones, and with little thought to the matter. Ted 2 is of course the follow-up to Seth McFarlane’s 2012 silver-screen animation debut Ted, a movie about a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking, come-to-life Teddy bear that plays opposite a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking, simpleton in Mark Wahlberg. If you’re looking for Oscar fodder or aren’t a fan of Seth McFarlane’s other work (Family Guy, American Dad), this movie is going to do absolutely nothing to bring you into the fold. However, if you've always been into the MacFarlane oeuvre, then his newest work is likely in your wheelhouse.

Ted 2 picks up a few years after the events of Ted. Ted (McFarlane) is getting married to Tami-Lynn, his fellow grocery store cashier from the first movie. We quickly join a depressed looking John (Walberg) and it is quickly explained that he and his wife, Lori, (played by Mila Kunis in Ted) have recently divorced and he is finding it hard to move on. While I am not a particularly huge fan of Kunis, this twist does feel like a rather abrasive twist for the franchise, especially given the working relationship Kunis has with McFarlane.

Universal Studios

The movie quickly presents itself as a civil rights story, making its June 26th release particularly relevant. Ted’s quest to father a child with Tami-Lynn via several alternative methods (he’s a toy, no penis, it’s a joke, get it?) leads to his status as a person to be thrown into question, and his rights (including his freshly minted nuptials) getting expunged by the State of Massachusetts. This sets the stage for Ted’s battle to regain his rights, and prove himself a living person.

Ted is joined on screen by new mainstay, Samantha, played by Amanda Seyfried. Samantha fills the role of Ted’s pro-bono, progressive, young attorney and delivers an enjoyable performance opposite Ted and John. Ted 2 also features the return of demented antagonist, Donny, played by Gionvanni Ribisi, and in addition to fight to restore Ted’s human rights, Ribisi’s character resumes his never ending quest to bring Ted home for himself. This time his scheme involves Hasbro’s legal department acting on behalf of the state in Ted’s suit.

Universal Studios

The movie resolves in predictable formulaic fashion. I won’t give away the ending, but chances are if you can’t predict it, even the low-brow dick-joke humor in the film is probably over your head. Speaking of which, this movie is about as offensive as they come. McFarlane makes full use of the film’s R rating to cook up some of the most cringe worthy and blatantly offensive jokes I’ve ever heard- not an easy feat given the gimmick of Ted 2 is no longer as fresh as it was in Ted. As an example, the movie runs with a theme that any internet search places you two clicks away from “Black Dicks”, with every google search in the film pulling up the suggestion “Did you mean “Black Dicks?”. This movie isn’t going to win any Oscars for its writing. The humor is in-your-face, one-up, bro comedy in its purest form. It’s the type of movie that begs the qualifier “if you’re in the mood for it” or “if you dig dark humor” when you explain to your co-workers what you saw last night (assuming you’re not too embarrassed to admit it in the first place).

Universal Studios

The movie also makes heavy use of unexpected celebrity cameos. All of these, while not always relevant to the plot, are welcome additions, and make for some of the film’s most memorable moments and jokes. It also draws heavily upon current pop culture topics and news headlines as the basis for much of its humor, leading me to wonder if Ted 2 will withstand the test of time as well as I feel Ted will. There are even points where you can tell lines were redubbed in post-production to take advantage of recent headlines. This attention to detail is a wonderful touch and uniquely McFarlane, but with the whirlwind of news we’ve had in 2014 and 2015, I feel like future audiences will probably be pulling out their phones for a Google search just to get the shtick more often than not. The added bonus, of course, is the movie releasing on the same day the United States Supreme Court reached its decision regarding Marriage Equality. It was a surreal experience to be watching a movie about the civil rights of a Teddy Bear on the same day. While I certainly don’t wish to downplay the struggles of any in the GLBT community by comparing it to a movie about a potty-mouthed child’s toy, the headline of the day certainly made the movie feel much more poignant.

Overall, Ted 2 makes for a solidly entertaining movie experience. The rapid-fire crude humor, wonderful cameos, and formulaic-yet-satisfying plot all add up to a great night with your friends, sans any kind of significant cerebral investment. In a world where social justice sometimes trumps common sense, Ted 2 is a breath of guilty-pleasure fresh air.