Movie Monday - Pan

Pan is yet another “reimagining” of a classic fairy tale character for the big screen live action audience, in this case the origin story of Peter and how he got to Neverland. In certain hands, you’d think that would be a very interesting story to tell, like how he first learned to fly, how he met Tinkerbell, and why he and Captain Hook fight all the time. A kid who journeys to a land where he can never grow up provides literally infinite possibilities for character development. Unfortunately, this movie tells the same stupid story we’ve seen; Peter Pan is some prophesized hero who’s in Neverland only because of fate.

The first scene of this movie sets the stage for how derivative this film will be as a young woman is running down a dark street with a baby in her arms, away from an unseen force. She places the baby on the steps of an orphanage and gives him a necklace (with a pan flute charm), because newborns and jewelry match so well. Then she run off and you know she’s never coming back. That scene happened frame-for-frame in the Super Mario Movie, and who knows how many others. Compare for yourself if you dare.

Warner Bros.

That baby is obviously the main hero, Peter, who grew up in an orphanage so rough that they sell children as slave labor to magical air pirates. This is how Pan winds up going to Neverland, which is one of best scenes in the movie. Peter is played by Levi Miller, who I believe is giving it his best considering his age, but doesn’t have the attitude or charisma to play the main hero. His character is flat and uninteresting. Many of us are tired of the hero who has nothing interesting about them other then the prophecy that tells you he’s special. That’s all he is, and that’s sad.

Hugh Jackman is the villainous pirate Blackbeard, which is a strange idea. By all accounts, this character has nothing to do with the historical figure. He barely even has a beard. More like “Blackgoatee”. It’s a pretty silly villain. In fact, the introduction to him is hilariously stupid. First you see gigantic pirate gathering in a mining quarry and they’re singing together the words to “Smells Like Teen Spirit” as a weird pirate sea shanty. Then Blackbeard appears looking emo as hell singing in a mono toned voice with everyone. The movie might just be worth seeing for this scene alone.

Warner Bros.

Garrett Hedlund plays a wise-cracking miner named James Hook. He doesn’t have a hook for a hand yet, so “Hook” is actually his last name. Hook and Peter team up to escape servitude and honestly that is the best part of this movie. They have a nice relationship, the young naive child with a brazen, Han Solo-esque cowboy-who-becomes-a-pirate. Hedlund seems like he’s having the time of his life actually playing a character, instead of the pretty blonde guy he usually has to be. Could others have played the role better? Sure, but it was still quite fun.

Then there’s Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily. We meet her as our protagonists get captured by a tribe in the jungle. Unlike the Native American tribe in the Disney version, this is more like a stereotypical African tribe if it was taken over by a demented knitting club. Although this tribe was cast very multi-racial, the chief’s daughter (the princess and the only one of them that matters to the story) is the whitest white person you could cast. It’s just baffling. She’s bland and mostly there for Hook to flirt with. She says her lines like she’s reading them on set. Tiger Lily could have been a much better character but sadly but she wasn’t written with a lot of care.

Warner Bros.

The effects are beautiful for the most part. I really do like it when they enter the strange and mysterious fairy world. It’s strange and mysterious, while a lot of other settings are less interesting like the pirate mines or tribal village. The action scenes work well, however the green screen effects when Peter Pan is flying are distractingly bad. The CG “neverbird” in particular fell flat.

Pan is not awful. It has it’s moments of fun. It had great potential and I defiantly criticize it for missing it’s mark. There are a lot of things that feel out of place and make no sense, like a pirate shanty version of grudge rock songs. You may hate it or laugh yourself silly.